she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
