he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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