honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
