i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
