just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
