I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drunk is not a location!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
