Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
