So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
