he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize