She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
