Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
