Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
