If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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