I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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