My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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