my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
