she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
