I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
