I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
