Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
