woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
