Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
