there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
