I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think your dad took our porno
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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