shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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