There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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