quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
