i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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