Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
