there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
