Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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