Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
