Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize