loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
