dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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