The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm just crazy horny about you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
