so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
