Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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