I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
