she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
