How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
