i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
