today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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