Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
