I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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