it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize