My friends, they love my intelligence
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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