So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
