Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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