Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
