Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
