when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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