i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
