Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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