you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
