Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
