Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize