It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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