i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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