If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize