Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
