I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
