i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
