You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
