the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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