Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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