It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize