Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
